Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
