dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
