ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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