you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
