my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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