bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
