I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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