**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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