Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
he fucked my hip out of place.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
