Pants 0. Shit 1.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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