bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
