oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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