girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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