I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
