i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
