your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
