Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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