i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I love you. Go after that dick
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
