I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
