Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
