How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
