Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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