I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
