my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
