your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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