Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
