Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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