I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
