So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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