I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
