Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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