just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
