maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
