You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
