I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
