Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
