Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
