I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
