My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
