So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
