I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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