Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
