My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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