I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
