last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
