come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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