I just saw a hot homeless man
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
