I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
