yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
