his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
