I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
